i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
