At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
