I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
