who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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