you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
