Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sex in the backyard? Check.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize