I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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