i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
