You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
