Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
