Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
