I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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