i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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