Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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