So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!