Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.