Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.