woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever