Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
