Sry I called you an 8
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
