I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
