did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
