When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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