Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
