i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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