can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
