Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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