When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
