My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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