wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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