I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
