My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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