i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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