worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
