It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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