mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
