I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize