what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize