I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thus making me awesome and them whores
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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