I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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