it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
