Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
