i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
