These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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