I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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