I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
