I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
