Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
