I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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