Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
