I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
