I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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