She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
