I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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