I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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