I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can text with my tongue
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
