planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
