I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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