I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
