the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
