I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
