How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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