Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
