So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
