If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
love makes seman taste better
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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