The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize