I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
