happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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