3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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