ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
