i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
