i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So vagazzling was a success
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
