Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
