Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
