You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
