I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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