I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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