Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
