is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
