I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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