Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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