that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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