do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
