Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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