He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
